Learning to Cope

Hey there y'all...

So as you know I am currently bogged down with end-of-year school work. I've found that I begin to get a bit loopy if I sit in my room doing homework for too long, so I decided to take a break and write a post.

I'm rather bummed right now, because a frost hit our dear seedlings, and a number of them (including most of our tray of chard) have permanently passed away.

This is the most difficult part of the year for me. I grow so attached to my little seedlings... even when I'm not there most of the time, apparently. When someone calls me from home, telling me that more seedlings have died, I get panicky. I go on wild searches on the internet for diagnoses and organic cures. Then I get depressed. I fall into a state of hopelessness, because what can I do, when I'm 2 hours away?

And if there's one thing that I hate doing, it's thinning. I know its going to happen, I plant 2 or 3 seeds in each plug, I don't do anything to avoid it, and then the day comes.... and I just can't. I can't pull up those little babies, who are working so hard to survive! Last year, for our little garden, I got my mom to do it for me. This year, Dan is taking on most of the dirty work. (It is interesting to note that "dirty work" in my mind means plucking little plants, but shoveling manure is perfectly clean).

It's a fact... I am just too attached to plants. As soon as a seed goes in the ground, I become its "mommy". I am crushed when one little guy plops over. Last year, I spent whole lot of energy on a couple of tomato plants that had been deemed the 'runts'. But I couldn't throw them away... so I made them their own little container. I was so proud when they bore fruit! (But it probably wasn't worth it!)

So how do I get over this? I've shoved aside the problem thus far, unrealistically reassuring myself that one day I will be such a good farmer, I will NEVER have to thin, and plants will NEVER die.

...Of course I know this is not possible. Its just a subconscious thing, spawning from my inability to cope with a regular part of nature and of farming. So how DO I cope?

I'm still trying to figure this out.

-Terra

PS. Meanwhile, here's a picture of my little babies!!

PPS. And NH, seriously, please don't snow again... not after we've all (including the plants) gotten used to the nice weather.

What I'm Looking For

I figured, since this is the beginning of the whole blog scene for us, that it would be appropriate to commence with a statement about what I am looking to gain from the farming experience -what my dream is, in other words.

1. Good Food

This means I know where it came from. I know it was grown with dedication and love. It was grown organically. It was grown sustainably. I know I can give it to my friends and family, and even to strangers, and feel good about it. I don't know what exactly makes home-grown vegetables taste better (is it because of the actual growing process, or just the accomplishment of having grown it yourself?) but it's no secret that they are simply better than what you can get in the supermarket.

2. Community

If there is one thing that I would like to bring my community together, it would be the food they eat. I think that we sometimes forget that food is essential for life. Why should we have to struggle so hard to get it? I would love to see my small town working together to produce all the food we need. (Goodness knows we have enough land...) So, one of my dreams will be accomplished when I see our community losing its dependence on the oversized supermarket, and spending more time in the sun, in the rain, together, smiling and growing and talking to each other.

3. Sustainability

The environment is of course a ever-growing concern on the minds of the public. There are a lot of issues that are out of my control, although I can do my part in reversing them. What we can do is to learn to live within the balance of nature (instead of fighting it, like humans tend to do). I am certainly lucky to have the opportunity given to me - especially the land and the time - to make a sustainable living situation for myself. I plan to take full advantage of the opportunity! As far as I'm concerned, I've lost enough time already! By the time I graduate college (probably just 3 more years) I want to be able to come back to a well-established, and always improving, sustainable homestead.

4. Experience

Lastly, of course, I just want the experience. This means a lot of things. Physically, I want to see myself at the end of the summer, or in a few years, tanned, hardened, calloused, ready to take on the challenges that I'm sure to encounter. I want to come back to school in the fall with stories as well as vegetables. I want to acquire the know-how to deal with practical situations, the mindset to be able to deal with business-related issues, and the knowledge of the workings of nature, plants, and animals. I'm sure that this path I have chosen will provide me with all of this. I see it as a wholesome career, filled with positive experiences. It's those experiences that I am looking for.

I believe that this covers most of what I am looking for... Love is difficult to define, you know. Even if you find it, you are always searching for it. So I'll just leave it with these four for now. And hopefully you can understand from these what makes me love farming so much!

Terra